You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
