he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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