That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
