the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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