that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
