FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
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She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
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You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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