Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
