At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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