Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
