Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm too high and old for this...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
