I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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