ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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