thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
