Just cropdusted the office
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
