my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
