I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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