If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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