In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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