I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
