He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
