Please, let me fuck your mom
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
