I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
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