We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
