She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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