I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
