A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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