I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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