does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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