Swine flu is the new snow day.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
