She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
