Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
