he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
