I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
