I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
