So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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