Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
