Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
