my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
