She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
