btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize