he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I party with great urgency now.
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