i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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