Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
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It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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