As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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