i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
