By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
