I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
