i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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