I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
