Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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