seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
