it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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