I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
