I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
