Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
