I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
