Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
