nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
