I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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