her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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