My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
