The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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