Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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