Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
