i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
