Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
