Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
