someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
