so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
