Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
