Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize