so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
