Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
