I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
